Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I Think I'll Go For A Walk Outside Now

Seriously!  It's January 31st and we were at the park sans coats!  A woo hoo!  Now put down your computer and get outside!  Unless you are one of those people who are at the park currently reading this blog on your iphone, and then I say congratulations for being a multitasker.

Seriously - stop reading this blog.  Now, Go.  Scooch.

Alright fine.  Stay inside.  Whatever.  You're so stubborn.
This is what is looks like outside:
Ta Da!

ps - I'm only inside right now because I had to feed my children some homemade lunch from McDonald's.  The Chicken McBites taste surprisingly just like McChicken.
In case you're wondering.

Monday, January 30, 2012

E's Thoughts

After watching the guy from Gilkey replace our shattered bedroom window:
Maybe a peacock flew into it.

While she side-eyed me and slid my Diet Coke across the table:
I love sharing.

And her very first joke:
Knock Knock!
Me:  Who's there?
Fireman Tank, unlock the door knob.

Yeah, I don't get it either, but you've gotta give her props for spontaneous joke telling. 
It can only improve our dinner conversations.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Dearest Recycling Fairy...

Hello there:  It's me - the one you seem to ignore.
Did I do something to personally offend you?
My sincere apologies if I mistook paper for plastic in one of your bins.
I am a big fan of yours, and I just don't understand why you keep leaving me in the lurch.
You clearly make frequent visits to our house, as I keep finding little things my husband has left for you.
Empty toilet paper roll on the back of the toilet, unwashed jar of Nutella on the counter...
I go ahead and help you out by washing/ placing these things in the bin just for you, so you'll know
I believe too - it's not just him.
Why oh why must you be so elusive?
Cast me not away my sweet fairy of salvage!
I will be leaving you a trail of used shampoo bottles and miscellaneous cracker boxes to illustrate my faith in you.
Until then...
With love and respect in an eco-friendly kind of way.
The Mrs.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

You Might Think I'm Joking...

Our master bath just started leaking into the basement again.
Quick - someone get me numbers for a plumber and a realtor.
And a box of wine.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

On Trying To Annoy Emmy

Because sometimes it makes the day go by faster.  Sometimes it's just good fun.

Emmy is home sick from school today and yesterday for the first time ever.  It seems like some sort of momentous occasion that I should clearly blog about.  Absent milestone - check.
She just has a regular old cold, I think she's milking it a bit today, but I'm rolling with it.
She is not too devastated about having to stay home so far.

After lunch I started asking her if she missed school, to which she replied:
A little bit yes, and a little bit no.
I then asked her if she missed her teachers, to which she replied:
Mooommm, I already answered your question, I'm busy now.
I of course followed up with, Do you miss any of your friends? To which she replied:
Stop talking to me!
To which I replied:  Do you miss journaling?
Mooommm, don't talk to me.  I told you 4 times now!
To which I replied:  Do you miss anyone specific, Trevor?  Carly?
Mom!  Don't talk to me again until after dinner!
So you know I had to say:  Okay, too bad I was going to ask you if you wanted dessert?  Oh well.
Which of course made her say:  Waaiiitttt!  I am talking to you, I want to talk to you....Mooooom!
So then I was forced to ask:  So what is it exactly that you do miss at school?
I thought you wanted to talk about dessert.

Oh man, sometimes parenting is just too good. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


That's what we call it in our house - Golden Globes for novices.  The day that the universe came together and offered up a night of fashion/celebrity insults, an IU game (don't speak of it) AND Drew had the day off on Monday, as it should be following any late night Hollywood event.
My heart swelled with pride when Emmy told me she remembered how we made her pose with a Buddha (as stand in Globe trophy) for a photo op last year.  I am a good parent, I see this now.
Everyone excitedly set up our "red carpet" - ours has butterflies, don't be jealous Hollywood, as I made some super unhealthy snacks just to emphasize the fact that I wouldn't have to spanx myself into some size too small gown - suckers.  Also because unhealthy food is yummy.
I think I have the only 2 girls in the world who don't like to play dress up.  Every year I try to convince/harass/bribe them into dressing up in fancy clothes and jewelry, and every year I am denied in favor of jammies.  At least Emmy bejeweled her dog, that's a start.
Practicing her no, of course I don't believe in botox pose, with her agent standing close by with fashion tape, just in case.
We did have a fashion walk on the dining room table, so everyone could see their glam jammies...sigh.
Rosa did require one costume change.  Diva.
I tried to explain "juice fast" to Emmy, but she wasn't having it.  Carbs on the red carpet?  Giuliana would be horrified.
Ah yes, now we have a properly executed red carpet pose, emphasizing her perfectly heart shaped face and the clean lines of her...bulldozer pants...

And then Drew took over as her stylist as I had priorities to take care of by the name of Angelina and Brad Pitt.
I just...I mean...I have a lot of work to do before next year...ayayay.  We also have to start tutoring her on acceptance speeches and how to look pleased when your competition wins.  It's a long road.
She did however nail her "blowing kisses to the fans" pose.  It's important to be look grateful to the little people. 

Just in case you are wondering, cause I know it's on your mind, Emmy liked every dress she saw.  No critiques, no insults, all ooohhhh it's so shiny/feathery/she looks like a mermaid!
She is the anti-Joan Rivers. 

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Collision Insurance

At least one of these two was driving without a license.

No worries, they came to a mutually agreeable resolution.

The Federales weren't even contacted.  Keep that on the dl.

Friday, January 13, 2012


Random and for no reason:

1)  I just noticed how the girls seem to object in their own ways when I try to play more specifically     with one of them. 
Emmy folds her hands across her and says "humph" and just walks away/or complains loudly, depending on her mood.
Rosa hangs her head, clasps her hands in front of her and then through half closed eyes gives me a sideways glance to make sure I'm aware of her deep sadness.  If I laugh ($10 to anyone who can keep a straight face) she gets mad and says "it's not funny!".

2)  Despite the enormous quantity of new toys the girls received for Christmas, Rosa's favorite thing to do is "hammer" in puzzle pieces with a set of plastic pickles. 
At least 5 times a day I hear: Where my pickles?

3)  I instinctively twirl any stick type device that is in my hands (tennis racket, baseball bat, Swiffer, wac-a-mole...wacker?).  Colorguard...still has a hold on me.

Those are my thoughts for the day.  It's too cold to go outside and we have played approximately 14 games of Candy Land so far today.  I don't know if that's healthy.  I have a toothache.

Who says TV isn't a bonding experience?

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Way We Were

Oh, why didn't we ever continue this tradition?
I feel anything that mimics The Brady Bunch is worth holding on to.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

My Little Candy Stripers

Something that would probably be diagnosed professionally as "pure evil", took over my being this weekend and these two little ladies were a little taken aback by it all.
They weren't quite sure what to make of their sad crumpled up on the sofa Mama at first, and by the time they had heard me reject (gasp!) Starbucks as sounding (double gasp!) gross, they had to take measures into their own hands. 
While Drew, who was also sick, but not in quite the hit by a semi truck kind of way I was - thank you honey for believing in the flu vaccine when I flatly rejected it - kept the girls entertained in the basement or outside, they each would come in and check on me in their own individual ways. 
Rosa would creep up beside me and whisper hi mommy, you feel better? and pat me on the head, the arm, the face, in the gentlest way.
Emmy periodically brought me little things to make me feel better, like drawings, a box of tissues, Drew's Forbes magazine (I am healed!). 
They are quite the nurturing duo those two.  Drew is my hero, and I am finally on the mend.
Lesson learned.  If you must get sick, make sure you have 1) awesome husband 2) sweet children who will make you smile in between your mumblings about impending death and 3) reject your favorite coffee drink so many times that said awesome husband will actually think it's a good thing and not just a waste of money when you want it again. 

Friday, January 6, 2012


It included homemade hats, noisemakers, yummy high-cal snacks, breakdancing, an IU WIN!, a Champagne/root beer toast and our traditional London NYE balloon wish release.
What more could anyone need?
Keep your Times Square Ryan Seacrest, we got it covered here.

Come on 2012, we're counting on you.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

On The First Day Of Christmas...

My True Love Gave To Me...
"Holiday Armadillo" on our Christmas Tree.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Two suspiciously squinty Santa eyes (it's okay, I'd have a little somethin' in my hot chocolate too if I had your job),  And "Holiday Armadillo" on our Christmas Tree.

Let's just do ourselves a favor mkay?  You can see where this is going, so I'll continue this nonsense without the repeated verses.  Just sing it in your head or something.  Yes?  Okay then...

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Three kids a' watchin'.  (So the adults could open presents.  Genius Matt and Danza, mad props.)

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Four (million) trees rejected.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Five new poses practiced.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Six snipped up ornaments, And a time out sitting near our Christmas tree....
Oh tra la la...I feel so merry.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Seven songs a' singing.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Eight letters in Mahaffey.  What?  This is hard dude.  You try it.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Nine Christmas card failures.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Ten Lloyd's a' eating. And eating and eating.  Wait, was that just me?  Darn you hunks and chunks.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Eleven dozen cookies baking.  (Christmas cyclops, you are my favorite one of all)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my yadayadayada...
A Christmas shared with my whole family! 

Aww, that ended on a nicer note than I had anticipated when beginning this here post.  Sometimes they take on a life of their own.
Maybe Christmas (s)he thought, means a little bit more.