Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Sometimes I Like To Scare My Mom

Sometimes I make my smallest child stand in front 
of the shark tank at the aquarium
just so I can get a photo of a giant shark swimming by her head.
You know that glass could break and then you'll be sorry Christa Renee!
Yes, I'm twelve.  What of it?  Still fun.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

How To Be A Polite Houseguest

For those of you preparing to summer in the Hampton's,
or the outskirts of suburban Columbus,
just thought I'd jot down a few important rules to ensure your travels
are nothing short of Martha approved.
Follow these rules explicitly and you won't even need to leave the requisite 
thank you note for your host/s. 
 In fact, you will probably be receiving one from them
in appreciation of your delightfulness.
Rule #1:  Don't bother waiting for an invite, just show up at the house without any direct
contact with your host.  They will surely be glad you have arrived.
Make yourself comfortable right away. Perhaps with a little wrestling on their sofa.
Rule #2:  You've probably had long travels.  Go ahead and break into their wine collection.
Make sure to open one of the oldest bottles you can find.  It's probably no good anymore.
Rule #3:  See if there's anything interesting behind the sofa while you are deer watching.
You never know where people hide stuff.
Rule # 4:  While you are on vacation, might as well check into a new hobby.
Rule #5:  By all means, review their mail for magazines of interest or valuable coupons etc...
Rule #6:  Check out the comfort level of the bed you will be sleeping in.  If it doesn't meet your standards, jump around on it for a while, and see if that's any better.
Rule #7:  You'll want to go ahead and have a little tubby time.  Might I suggest another glass of wine? And go ahead and flip on that TV in the bathroom.  Nothing's more relaxing.
Rule #8:  Don't worry about computer passwords.  Break in.  
Your host wants you to update your facebook status.
Rule #9:  If you get the munchies, help yourself to whatever you can find.
Rule # 10:  Fancy a little recreational sport?  That's what it's there for.
Make your own rules.
Rule # 11:  If you have an emergency work situation to attend to, say securing an asset for your next mission, make sure you find someplace off the grid to complete that transaction.
Rule #12:  Sweat out any resulting work stress.  Don't worry about any set programs on the machines.  Change it up to your speed.  They want you to be relaxed.
Rule #13:  Surely you will be exhausted after this long day.  Go ahead and brush you teeth in bed.
Rule #14:  If you find yourself wired from all of the excitement.  Help yourself wind down by turning on the nearest giant TV, and let you mind be lulled to sleep by the hypnotizing size of Dora's head.
Rule # 15:  Snuggle up and get some well-earned zzz's.  If you need to rearrange some furniture for your convenience, go right ahead.  It's all about your needs.
And there you have it my friends. 
 A short lesson on etiquette to take you through all your travels.
Should you find yourself needing more advice for a particular guest concern,
please visit my other website:

Monday, April 9, 2012

While I'm Grumpy With A Head Cold

You can try and guess how many sweets
the girls have eaten in the last 4 days.

Hint:  You can't count that high.  Stop trying.  Really.

No.  Really.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Easter Egg Tree

It has been agreed in our house
that the Easter Egg Tree trumps
a Christmas Tree
in the categories of happiness, merriment, and spontaneous smiles.
Who knew the power of a couple dozen plastic eggs?
I am clearly just one step away from a flock of flamingos
and a blow up reindeer scene.

I stand firmly behind the power of the egg.

Happy Easter!!!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Some Days Are Diamonds, Some Days Are Rocks

This was one of the good ones.
A day at the park with nothing but warm sunshine and smiles.
You thought I was going to complain about something,
didn't you?
Yeah, probably more likely, but I can be positive sometimes too. 
I'm complex like that.

*I don't usually end up in a lot of pictures (I'm usually the photographer), so you can imagine my surprise when I found myself wondering who that sad woman was in the - pretend she's just going to go for a run after this play time is over -  outfit.  If you were worried about me, and you should be, I have seen the light.  I shall not be a SAHM fashion victim anymore!  I will not let Stacey and Clinton show up at my front door whilst all of you look down in guilty/shame/tragic excitement that someone professional will prevent me from wearing yoga pants when I'm not doing yoga (never doing yoga).
I will not be a stereotype!
I have been saved!!!
Oh, you didn't care? 
I just threw out 3 pairs of yoga pants for nothing.
Jeans are so not as comfortable to play hide-n-seek in, btw.
Crawling underneath the coffee table at my 2 year olds' insistence requires a more flexible fabric.