Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I Judge, But Don't Judge Me For It

The other day it rained. 
So, I gathered up the ladies and headed off to
our favorite children's book store.
Along with everyone else in the city.
I find this many children in a small location a little bit overwhelming.
Like getting swarmed with bees.
I guess I will never be a preschool teacher,
or a mother of 5. 
You are welcome, 3 children I will never have.
In this large a group, there are always a few question marks going on,
that I just can't wrap my brain around.
First we have the 2 small children who have been left
to play trains on their own, while their mother
browses the adult book store on the other side of the building.
Really?
And for the record, I'm not the only one who was judging this scenario.
Another mom commented out loud of the inappropriateness.
Something snarky like, "Do we really think 3 is an age where children should be left on their own?" 
No one answered her, for fear of public snarkery, but we all nodded in our heads.
This is why I blog.  So I don't have to say these things out loud,
but still get to say them pseudo-publicly.  It suits my passive-aggressive nature.
Then we became aurally assaulted by a French woman who insisted on shouting things to her children
in French and then looking around the room for applause.
Utiliser votre voix calme!!!
Come to think of it, maybe she she wasn't actually French, just fluent and really excited about that.
Then she inexplicably sat her two kids down and removed their shoes and socks.  Why?
So, they could run around on dirty floors and scream (in English) each time they stepped on a
wind-up back flipping gorilla.
And finally we encountered the always present kid with the runny nose.
No, not just a runny nose.  I wouldn't take offense to your average runny nose.
It's the 1.5 year old wobbling around with 5 gallons of goo oozing down her face. 
This scenario never ceases to amaze me.  I just can't understand.
The Mom (or Dad - I'm not stereotyping here) is always present, within a few feet of
the snotty child, just smiling away with pride.
Nary a tissue in sight.
Why do you let your child run around like this?  Do you really not see that mess?
Would you want to walk about town with your snot dripping into your mouth? 
Why is this acceptable?  It's everywhere!  I'm telling you.  Is this some kind of hippie
population of parents who take offense to cleaning up the  natural process of eliminating toxins?
Is there some kind of mind altering BPA in a Kleenex that I am unaware of?
Yes?  Well I don't care!  Wipe your child's nose! 
It is unacceptable for me to walk out of a children's bookstore with non-genetically related snot
on my shirt cause your kid wobbled into me and wiped her face on my sleeve while you smiled
and mumbled something about aren't they so cute at this age?
No.  Not cute.  It took all my internal powers to not say something like
They are precious!  Hey, I have some tissues in my bag if you'd like one.  Since you have insisted on bringing your clearly sick child to a children's bookstore to spread her germs across every Thomas vehicle and that stuffed camel she was just licking, I thought you might want to use a tissue to dry your
tears of joy while you watch your precious daughter infect 24 children with her
 excessive quantity of snot.
Wanna be friends? 
 

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