So...yeah...I, yes, I take full responsibility for this,
thought it would be super fun to embark on the first ever
Lloyd family camping adventure! Yahooey Kablooey!
Nope.
Oh, but the first day was so much fun!
Then, there was the night and...oh wait...
my flashbacks...where'd I put my Klonopin...?
Okay, I'm being a little melodramatic, but not really.
The first day was delightful! We met up with my parents,
sister and brother-in-law and his parents. My "in-law in-laws." In-laws squared?
I think that should be a thing.
We all camped on adjoining sites.
And by "camp" I mean WE camped, everyone else stayed in
GINORMOUS RVs
(and by ginormous I mean other campers stare and applaud and then come ask questions)
or cabins with indoor plumbing and all that fancy stuff.
So, clearly we are the peanut butter and they are the marshmallow fluff in this sandwich.
That first day though, I give it up to the first day.
I'm going to claim that I made these pictures artistic,
but really it's just bonfire smoke and my inability to use the flash correctly.
You wish you had my talent.
So yeah, who doesn't like fresh air, bonfires and s'mores?
All good.
Then came night.
Now, I don't want to scare anyone out of future camping adventures in the
great mid-west, but I think I should tell you
that a wild boar visited our campsite that night.
I can only assume that he came a callin' when he heard the raccoon hoe down
that was going on just outside of our tent.
(fyi: the raccoons were invited by a member of our own family. Now I don't want to name names, but if you like puzzles, his name rhymes with bike, pike, or shmichael if you're formal)
I don't know the approximate number of animals that were mere feet away from our
nylon house, because I was afraid that if I moved my head to look out of the window
they would know we were in there and then they would feast.
As I stiffly lay there on my deflated air mattress I contemplated exactly how I would save the kids.
Is Drew awake? He's nearest Emmy.
I could roll on top of Rosa and protect her with my person.
There is nothing sharp inside this tent to use as a weapon.
Once I'm covering Rosa, I could pull Drew on top of Emmy...is he even awake?
Why isn't he giving me a signal that he's awake and aware we are about to eaten?
I wonder if they can hear me breathing?
Fortunately morning came, and with the 20 minutes of sleep we got, we greeted the new day!
Drew and I took the girls for an early morning hike to keep them away from the sleeping "campers".
The hike was lovely and we even saw a deer leap across the path in front of us.
Then at the end, I looked down and saw a giant daddy long legs spider the size of my head
crawling up my bare leg.
I shrieked and ran out of the woods which alerted the attack dogs that our neighboring campers
had brought with them to this here family campsite, because everyone loves an attack dog.
They jumped and barked and howled and successfully scared the girls to tears
and I gave the owners my best stink eye and promised we would never leave home again.
We rallied the troops by deciding to go scare my parents awake.
After all, they had missed the entire forest animal party in their lush cabin.
We hung out at my parents cabin until we decided to head to the beach.
Just as soon as we arrived, the girls in their swimmies,
it started to downpour.
So, my parents taught the girls high stakes poker
while I contemplated if I was getting karmic payback for anything in particular.
You can see where this is going.
End of story... we left our first camping adventure feeling defeated,
and bribing the girls with all manner of treats on the way home.
I have clearly not fully recovered, but I still like s'mores.
So, there's that.
